Like many of you, I write out lists and goals for my life every year. Personally, my new year begins on my birthday presenting a deeper meaning and motivation for me. I wrote out seven things that I want to accomplish in this year of life, and I am headed in that direction. I did not create my own road map nor did I write out which way I would go about meeting these goals. The only thing I did was surrender.
I had been running from God, running in circles, running through mazes until I simply had no more places to go. The only thing I could do was fall to my knees and surrender to God in total defeat.
Yes, I was defeated.
I’ve ran from God many times. I’ve ignored him when he has spoken. I’ve done things my way because I refused to be obedient. There were countless times when I let fear trap me and my heart filled with guilt and shame.
But as I know it, I cannot out run God. When I fell to my knees and cried out my surrender I felt God place his hand on my shoulder. He embraced me. He said “Instead of running from me run towards me Brooke.” And that is what I did at the beginning of February; I ran towards God.
My life is transforming before my eyes. My desire for certain things has definitely changed. I am able to hit that delete button with ease. Phone contacts erased, apps deleted, old habits dying, and a brand new Brooke emerging.
I know this new season requires some very hard work. Establishing boundaries, renewing energy, and increasing patience are just a few things I am learning. Most of all, I am living in the moment honoring God with my life and holding tight to His vision.
Have you ever felt like your life was out of control? Do you feel guilty or ashamed?
Maybe its the tug you need to surrender to God, admit your defeat, and begin a new life within his mercy.