First, Love You

Fairy tale weddings and relationship goals often flood many of our social media timelines.  And those of us who aren’t in our ideal type of relationships may begin to feel inadequate and sharp pangs of loneliness.  And maybe, you begin to wonder when will it ever happen for me or think when will someone love me?

My dear friend, your emotions are valid. Yet, emotions are fleeting.  What you feel is not your reality.  And please do not let the way you feel determine how you will live your life.  Society sometimes has of way of promoting things to us, through images, words, and data to prove a point that is at most times terribly wrong.  Do not let what you see or hear distort your world.

What everyone else and their mamas are experiencing does not have to be your life.  Seriously, someone else’s statistics are not your reality.  I want you to know that you have more control over your life than society says you do.  It does not matter how many op-ed stories you have read or nightly news reports you have seen nothing should shift your destiny nor alter your dreams.  If I listened to everything I have ever heard I would be hopeless.

In my late teens to early twenties, many news articles and television talk shows began to sensationalize a trope of the forever-single Black Woman. This was a hot topic, and people were really buying into it. Even a well-known comedian wrote a book and produce two successful films from this fraudulent self-filling prophecy that forty-two percent of Black women would never get married. When I first heard and read this pseudo statistic I knew that it was a lie straight from the pit of hell.  It was an assault on the realities and dreams of Black women, and more specifically college educated Black women.  Can’t we have it all since we are made to do it all?

As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, I know that we can have it all and more when it comes from God.  Despite what I’ve heard and seen, I am overflowing with hope. If I believed the lie, I would have been one of the forty-two percent women. I would be pining for a love that would never be mine because society labeled me as not worthy of marriage.

I am worthy to be loved, be married, and be desired. Because it is Valentine’s Day, I want to remind you to not get bent out of shape about engagement proposals, relationship statuses, and the fear of being alone.  You are worthy of love.  And love you will have, when you first began to love yourself and allow God to love you. A man once said, “It is impossible to have love without free will. God gave us free will because of love.”  Being single affords you the opportunity to discover yourself and love who you are unconditionally.  It is impossible to discern true love without first being loved.  This is your chance to bask in absolute love by giving love.

Learn to love, give love, and receive love.  And have hope that romantic love that lasts a lifetime will come.

With Love,

Brooke Chanel


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